Allow me to introduce myself...

I have been toying with the idea of writing this for a while, not because I'm utterly useless at correspondence, but because I wasn't sure that I could write down how it makes me feel.

Firstly, I'm not looking for or really even that interested in casual sex, that is not what I or this is about. I've never been the girl who meets men easily, nor the kind who has a lot of partners. Don't get me wrong, I actually kind of admire the girls who have that confidence, I've just never been one of them.

In real life, most people think that I am this confident, extrovert woman, but strip away that outer shell and I still feel like a scared little girl, most of the time.

My relationship with him is complicated from the outside. We have known each other for a very long time, he knows everything there is to know about me, even the things I wish he didn't know.

I'm still not sure what it is he sees in me. The way he looks at me is so breath-taking, after all this time I still don't understand it.

For a long time the idea of being as sexually free as I am now scared the crap out of me. But my curiosity, my submissive self wanting desperately to give into that feeling deep down inside. He has given me the chance to do that, to give in, to be everything I know is bad for me. And I want it.

Am I just a plaything? Sometimes I want to be.

Sometimes I want to give myself to him in the most sordid ways imaginable. But often the words won't come. But when he has me thrown over a piece of furniture, sliding 'oh-so-deliciously' into my hot, wet pussy, when he's making me beg to come, when he pulls my hair and calls me his beautiful little slut, I know that I am truly happy....

Is that wrong??